December 2011
1 post
“i feel like pandora had a sense of humor just then. that was the longest...”
– jer, on my pandora station
August 2011
3 posts
pork garnish.
(setting: the kitchen, 8pm on monday night. with jer’s new schedule, i’ve been cooking more lately & spent this particular evening making homemade vegetable lentil soup. it wasn’t vegan on purpose, but i like to consume protein in forms other than meat a few times per week.)
jer: “smells good. what’s for dinner?”
jess: “i made lentil soup! taste it...
chore charts.
(setting: thursday afternoon. i have just arrived home to a sparkly-clean house that smells of pinesol, lysol & general cleanliness.)
jess: “thanks for cleaning house. everything looks great.”
jer: “no problem.”
jess: “is there anything you didn’t get to that i can do? how are you feeling about division of labor?”
jer: “i’m thinking of...
no one can resist people mag.
yesterday, while making dinner:
jess: “hey, did you read the article in my people mag where they’re talking about possible actresses for a sex & the city prequel?
jer: “no. i can’t believe you actually READ those articles. i thought you just looked at the pictures.”
today, out of nowhere:
jer: “what!? these are terrible choices! if it’s a prequel,...
November 2010
1 post
my p-i-m-p.
as we’re getting ready to go for our usual post-work, pre-dinner run, jer puts on his headphones, turns on dre’s the chronic and says, “i don’t think i’m gonna run today…i think i’ll pimp-walk.”
January 2010
1 post
stessica reunion 2010: coming to pdx in march
(setting: me, at work, wrapping up a long day of meetings with my danish boss & the rest of the marketing team, when i get a text from stefani.)
ste: mose.
(long pause while i ponder what T9 might have interpreted to be mose. i come up with the obvious answer & text back.)
ssica: wenis?
ste: (immediate reply) exactly!
ssica: god, i miss you. come to pdx now.
ste: ha. i wanted to say...
December 2009
2 posts
customer appreciation.
(setting: our apt, early evening. jer’s in the laundry room; jess is in the living room going through mail.)
jess: (mumbles to herself) “oh, that’s nice. i got a gift card for famous footwear.”
jer: (calling from the laundry room) “gift card? from who?”
jess: “…famous footwear.”
jer: (walks into the living room) “and why would they...
“somebody just walked by in heels & both kitties perked up with anticipation.”
– jer. even my cats know me by my shoes…and i LOVE it.
November 2009
1 post
chores.
every time i feel the sharp poke of a kitty nail (frequently), i’m reminded that i should clip the cats’ claws. except i HATE that job. they’re squirmy, i’m unsteady, someone’s going to lose a finger. so, i got home tonight…and no nails when mimi jumped up to say hello!
jess: “hey! did you cut their nails!?”
jer: “yep.”
jess: (feeling...
September 2009
2 posts
make yourselves useful...
after the indulge event last night, i was in the mood for a bubble bath. jer was working late, it was a thursday night & i wasn’t quite ready for bed yet. i grabbed a glass of wine, the new vanity fair and ran a super-hot, super-bubbly bath. i had just gotten in & settled back to read when i saw a black spider come crawling across the floor. really? it was big enough that i was going...
love is not the only universal language...
(setting: the vp of marketing was in town from denmark last week to meet with the americas team & finalize 2h marketing plans. it also happens that her husband is turning 50 this month & she’s throwing a 50s-themed party, complete with a rented pink cadillac & 50s band. naturally, it’s a costume party, so she was looking forward to doing some vintage shopping downtown....
August 2009
3 posts
they never grow up...
(setting: gmail chat, having a conversation about what to get our nephew for his birthday.) jess: “so, i’ve been thinking about what one-year-old boys like…” jer: “tits.” jess: “and i came up with tonka trucks.” jer: “ages 1-death, actually.” jess: “well, good, now i know what to get you next year for your birthday.” _________...
“just wrote mad pig cock in my little letters treats”
– stefani, being oh-so-creative with her 100-calorie packs of alphabet crackers
“well, he’s gonna have hairy ears when he’s old.”
– doctor, upon examining jer’s ears during his physical.
July 2009
2 posts
city wildlife.
i LOVE dc. i’m reasonably certain i was meant to have been born an east-coaster. between dc, nyc & atlanta, i could be happy for a long time. there are so many things that are just different enough to feel like the east coast is worlds away from the west coast. at any rate, sam took me out to see the town on saturday night, after i dropped luggage in my hotel room. we had just finished...
June 2009
3 posts
“so my friend left a vhs of star trek at my house…”
– cindy. i DIED laughing. she tried to explain & i wouldn’t let her. i’m sure it was the start to a story, but i don’t want to know WHY there was a VHS of star trek. i just want to let that phrase stand alone. cindy’s response: A) You are a bitch. B) There were two of...
cheese popcorn, breakouts & my period.
(setting: sunday night, 10pm, watching sex&the city in bed. jer is eating cheese popcorn, straight out of the bag. jer eats popcorn in such a way that, of any given handful, approximately 63% of it makes it into his mouth. that’s better than half, but not by much. furthermore, i’m not a HUGE fan of food in bed. couch? fine. bed? i’m undecided.) jess: (watching disdainfully as...
MY fleet...
with the fabulous summer weather we’ve been having, jer & i have picked up one of my favorite summertime activities: after-dinner bike rides. doesn’t matter where we’re going, if i’m on my bike, i’m happy. (setting: just a couple of blocks from our apt, approaching the first stop sign. jer almost always leads the way, since i’m pretty much like a...
May 2009
1 post
my new best friend.
after a hell of a week, jer & i headed over to loyly to unwind. sunday afternoons are coed at the swedish spa and usually full of couples. jer & i walked in, suited up & started to sweat out the week immediately upon entering the sauna. we came out for some air & i noticed a rather large, rather hairy, rather sweaty man…with an AMPERSAND tattooed on his back!
he walked into...
April 2009
3 posts
“i mean i respect that its quick traveling and dangerous if not taken care of,...”
– stefani, on manbearpig flu. not too much faith in the cdc there, lady.
poor grammar, oxford commas & viagra. just another...
i spent ALL MORNING testing an email that kept going to spam, so i solicited some outside users to let me send to them. stefani is a nazi editor, so i knew she’d have some good feedback: ste: i love this: “start with solid hard disk protection, add an unprecedented level of control over system devices, application use and internet access, then top it off with fully integrated remote...
you decide: is it software or is it porn?
“impero uses special techniques to make the remote control session feel as smooth and fast as possible, which in turn makes it feel very realistic.”
really? they make technology sound like either magic or porn. either way, i’m equally confused & intrigued.
“the slim red envelopes are everywhere these days, each packed with a single dvd,...”
– i love the new york times.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/29/fashion/29netflix.html?scp=2&sq=netflix&st=cse
March 2009
7 posts
my very own mussolini.
jer: “thanks for doing bills. we should probably look into joining a credit union & getting a joint account.”
jess: “i don’t know how i feel about joint accounts yet. how would that work?”
jer: “i would have all the money & rule over it like a fascist dictator…and yes, sexual favors help.”
enough already.
i love punctuation.
i love emotions.
i love using punctuation to express emotion…except when it’s just f*cking annoying.
i recently became facebook friends with a girl from high school. we were acquaintances, really. (we’ll save the whole “should you facebook friend people you weren’t really friends with in high school because they friended you first &...
hey lady...
…what’s in that big-ass bag?
i came across this story while perusing the willamette week in the kitchen at work on thursday & made it my immediate new life goal to be interviewed for it. i’ll let you know when that happens. until then, i’ve made my own feature. besides the obligatory cell phone, wallet & birth control, if you opened my bag right now, you’d...
google stds.
my away msg: getting nice & intimate w. google adwords
the conversation that ensued:
cindy: “jessica, be sure to use protection. those adwords have been EVERYWHERE.” jess: “slutty adwords. i don’t want your herpes.” cindy: “they really are whores. anyone can buy them.” jess: “even cheaper than in thailand. oh, snap.”
grammar lessons at work.
i love my girlfriends. they make me laugh for entirely different reasons.
my convo w. stefani:
“what is the difference between quicker and faster? i thought i knew this, but now i couldn’t tell you if you asked me.” -ste
“quick is adjective & modifies noun & fast is adverb & modifies a verb. so we solve problems faster instead of we solve problems...
“i think i’ll start an underground movement, make “soap” and...”
– jer’s solution to all my problems.
February 2009
5 posts
i know
how do you know? how do you know this one is the right one?
today we went & got pedicures. jer patiently helped me pick out the perfect nail polish & sat while the very small asian woman clipped, rubbed, patted & massaged his feet. now, we both have fabulously smooth, callous-free feet & bright pink toenails.
after that, we ordered a cheese pizza and ate sorbet while watching the...
authenticity. →
i love this man. this ties in nicely to yesterday’s post & btw, if you don’t know seth godin, you should. his blog is my second-favorite. (second only, of course, to ste & kel, who tie for first. <3)
happy new year!
i think the way i feel about birthdays is the way the media presents a new year. the difference between 2008 & 2009 is less significant to me than the difference between being 24 & being 25. i feel like birthdays are a true new year. a fresh start; time to re-dedicate myself to the things i love and renew the fight against my vices once more.
turning 25 is freaking me out more than i’m...
January 2009
7 posts
“ah, sitting down never gets old.”
– brian, getting in the cab after only two hours at the show. he has no idea what he’ll feel like tomorrow after nine hours at the show…
rebellion never felt so good...
after spending four days in the palatial venetian hotel in vegas, it was quite the letdown to come to the orlando hampton inn, miles from anything worth seeing or doing. our hotel doesn’t even have a hot tub, and suffice it to say that after five days of working my ass off and four days to go, all i really wanted was to lay back & have a soak.
after dinner (a fabulous little latin place...
“how much is the banana? three bucks?! does it do tricks!?”
– guy behind me in line at the tradeshow. i had just finished paying $30 for two shitty sandwiches, a bottled water & a soda.
“can you email aaron for me? as my primary guardian, i believe you have the...”
– jer.
“im goin to get a tape at you know where today! i hope i see beebs and...”
– kel. and no, we don’t miss old job. or beebs. or the anger that comes with remembering what a b*tch she is.
the jeremy stamp.
(setting: the kitchen, 8:47pm. jer’s making popcorn. he has a “man box” he keeps a bunch of random crap in. it’s a cute kiehl’s tin that acts as a bookend for our cookbooks. it currently resides on the top shelf in our kitchen - you know, the one above the cupboards above the oven that’s incredibly inconvenient to reach? that one.)
jess: (grabs a kitchen chair...
“see? you wonder why men keep boxers until they fall apart. those are the softest...”
– - jer, upon offering to loan me his “softest boxers ever” when i couldn’t find my pajama shorts.
December 2008
1 post
someone has the holiday spirit!
(setting: our bedroom, in front of the closet.)
jess: “here’s something you could get me for christmas - another shoe hanging thing.”
jer: “or…here’s something you could do for yourself for christmas…get rid of some shoes.”
not funny, jer.
November 2008
23 posts
“i need to turn over a new work leaf where i spend more time working and less...”
– ste. (via gmail chat, of course.)
ugly-sweater thanksgiving 2008
i’m so excited.
this has been blown way out of proportion and i’m psyched. jer & i came up with the idea last week, bought some ugly sweaters & then passed on an invite to jer’s fam.
and they took it & ran with it.
here is the pic from the invite jer sent:
and below is what jer’s mom emailed back. it was sent to all of us, but addressed to jer. i’ll admit, i DIED laughing.
dude,
using yourself as the poster cover ….. totally you!! your thighs have really filled out from all your bike riding and your new glasses really are the epitome of coke bottles.
dad has placed “rules” around the donning of the sweaters. we all...
today at coffee:
a) a regular customer brought me a pair of hand-knitted gloves. she thoughtfully made them fingerless, so i can wear them & still handle money. they’re awesome.
b) an old couple walked up & ordered coffee. when i asked for their names, the old guy said “adolf.” the old woman giggled at him & said “eva braun.” i hope when i’m old, i’m still...
top five
a) gas fell below $2 for the first time since i’ve been able to legally drink, i think. i filled up my tank for twenty bucks.
b) ste AND kel started blogs. now i can stalk them.
c) there are only three days of work next week.
d) google’s new themes make my email inbox more aesthetically pleasing.
e) the newly organized cd case makes choosing my morning tunes easier & more fun....
